I'm staying!

Thats right - I'm never coming home!

Thats not actually true - I am coming home - just later than usual. May the 8th in fact (thats the date I fly out anyway - back in the UK for the 10th I believe).

Ummm - so I'm trying to think of what I need to update you about. I havn't been able to post for so long that I've forgotten what I've been up to. Think I'll try and work backwards (although I suspect that you've all long stopped checking here anyway).

Right - so I did promise a part two to the last 'Lobster Genocide' post but I got waylaid by having to work. Which is what the problem was. Basically when I was asked to come out I was told that 'all the training would be complete and we would be just doing the finalising and support for the new guys starting' this translated to 'Their training is pretty much done but we're gonna ask you to pick up where it was left with no prior warning or preparation time', this then became (after a fortnight) 'you are doing the final assesment for these guys as we haven't bothered to fly the guys who are paid loads more than you to do these kinds of things'.

Final assesment is basically the final exam - we put the guys on the phone (for the first time I might add) and then score them against various behaviours and their technical skillz. Although I don't mind doing this per se I'm not entirely happy with the way I was informed and had no idea I was going to be doing this kind of thing. Although I'm not entirely surprised - this is NU down to the ground.

On a more cheerful note I went to a theme park on sunday - the mighty 'Dizzee World'. It was ace - and deserted - turns out that they close most of the rides between 3 & 5 (when its super hot). I'll give you one guess when we turned up... however the highlight of the day was most definitely these animatronic robot things. Apparently originally there was a giant keyboard that the kids could jump on and the robots would dance - now however the keyboard is gone and the remaining 'weird japanese ancient' (assume it was bought 2nd hand from a japanese theme park) robots are left in these weird and grotesque positions - all very weird.

Water flume was ace and very dangerous/scary. Woo. After that we went to a georgeous hotel/restaraunt called fishermans cove - one of the better places in the whole of India I am told. Played with crabs on the beach then eat a delicious steak. Went home.

On saturday went to 'spencers plaza' a shopping mall of sorts - all kinds of stuff in there. Found some suitable 'present giving' tat.

Having trouble with present giving tat at the moment. Hands up - who would actually want an elephant carving with a baby elephant inside? Or a set of stone karma sutra poses (ok - I wish I'd got those). Or a stone ball with some poorly carved depictions of gods on the side? I don't really want to buy this crap but I'm struggline to find any thing else worth getting. I hope you all like towels and choccies from the hotel cos at this rate thats all you'll be getting.

Just trying to think of what else to say...

Oh yeah - after I had done this final assesment for the guys over here they hada 'graduation day' to go through through. The top IT dude (CIO) from NU IT came over (flew from London and stayed in Chennai for about 4 hours - carbon footprint anyone?) and handed out some certificates then the guys who had graduated put on some entertainment. We had a couple of random things in there including a guy doing impressions of locals and other people who 90% of the room had never heard of, often in hindi (everyone here speaks Tamil) and a 'comedy' skit that seemed to involve an FBI agent killing a tiger and a local copper convincing a bear he was a tiger. The punchline was, quite frankly, shit but the actual performance was hilarious so it kind of worked. Then there was some dancing, first off these 3 blokes who were good but a bit odd then a mixed group of the Service Desk guys who were amazing. There was a fashion show (with an unexpected trance backing) and then cake.

This is interesting. It is tradition here that anyone who is given a cake gets it smeared over their faces. I stood at the back having been pre-warned, that was a clever Patch moment, avoiding the worst of the carnage.

Another interesting tradion I saw later was for someone's birthday. After the traditional cake smearing attach the dude was given the bumps. They picked him up in the tradional British manner and then proceeded to kick him in the arse 30 times (his 30th birthday). Plus a few more for good measure/they lost cound in the excitement.

I am currently spreading a rumor that one of the English guys here is turning 145 next week. It seems to be taking.

what else...

Not eaten lobster for like a week or more now.

Still can't get pictures on to t'internet. Disappointing.

Oh yeah - might be going to Goa for the long Easter weekend thing - gonna see how much it costs today. That would be cool.

Think thats everything I need to say to you at the moment.

Love ya - Patch.